Tim Lambesis Opens Up About Band Lineup Changes and Personal Struggles

To say that 2024 was a tumultuous year for As I Lay Dying frontman Tim Lambesis would be an understatement. The controversial vocalist made headlines after the recent dissolution of his long-running metalcore band, marked by the departure of four key members—Phil Sgrosso, Ryan Neff, Ken Susi, and Nick Pierce—leaving him as the band’s sole remaining member.

The departing members’ exit statements hinted at deeper moral conflicts and personal limits being tested during their time with the band. Lambesis addressed the situation in early November, vowing to rebuild the band, though he offered little insight into the reasons behind the departures.

Things took a darker turn in late November when private footage of Tim and his estranged wife, Dany, began circulating online. The videos depicted heated arguments and Tim in a distressed state—pacing, speaking erratically, and physically harming himself.

In the wake of the footage’s release, Lambesis issued a statement, claiming the leaked videos were personal attacks on his character. He explained that the footage surfaced shortly after he filed for divorce from Dany and alleged that the videos were a form of retaliation. Tim described a three-year history of verbal and emotional abuse from Dany, claiming he had additional footage supporting his allegations of assault and threats.

Lambesis also mentioned that he had filed for a restraining order against Dany and that a domestic violence investigation was underway. In his statement, he labeled his erratic behavior in the videos as “anxiety-filled reactions and defenses.”

This drama is compounded by Tim’s controversial past. In 2013, he was sentenced to prison after pleading guilty to solicitation to commit murder, having hired an undercover officer to kill his then-wife. After serving several years in prison, Lambesis was paroled and reformed As I Lay Dying. However, a similar mass exodus of band members took place between 2020 and 2022. Despite this, he rebuilt the band with new members, excluding Sgrosso. Yet, last year, even this lineup walked out, including Sgrosso.

Now, in his first interview since his November statement, Lambesis opened up about the turmoil surrounding the band’s various lineups. In an interview with Justin Wenzel, a personal branding expert and fitness coach, Lambesis discussed his business approach to forming bands, focusing on recruiting skilled musicians rather than cultivating a sense of brotherhood with his bandmates. He stated:

[Transcribed by theprp.com]

Speaking about the changes in the band’s lineup and his decision to prioritize business relationships over personal connections, Tim Lambesis said:

“I chose to make it that way, but that was my own fault. It doesn’t have to be that way… living with a person in a bus and all that, I’m responsible for making sure that there is health in my own life and personal concern between the people I’m working with and I didn’t prioritize that enough.”

Reflecting on his struggles with his marriage to Dany Lambesis, Tim admitted that his personal challenges began affecting his professional life. He explained:

“I think it just really comes down to the amount of anxiety I had on a relationship level, that I just carried on a regular basis, of like, not understanding. I just don’t understand how you could be with a person and not be kind to them, and, like, really mess with my head to the point where I just would wake up with anxiety. I’d go to sleep with anxiety.

And to me, being that version of myself, it was inevitable I was going to push everybody else away, right? Because how do you how do you connect with a person that’s drowning in anxiety constantly, but won’t talk to you about it?

I wasn’t going to talk about it, because I didn’t want to let anybody know how deeply unhealthy things were, because then they would tell me, I have to leave the relationship. But I wanted to find a way to fight and stay, right?

So, I just kept it in, kept it in, and they’re like, you know, people are just saying, like, ‘Tim‘s acting less and less like himself’, like, ‘I’m concerned, what is going on?’ I never yelled at anybody or argued with anybody, or we never had fights. It wasn’t like that. It was just like, from afar, they were like, ‘This dude just feels like he’s falling apart, like, what’s going on?’

And the irony is that the relationship ended — my relationship ended — at the same time that those guys sort of gave up, per se. I’m not blaming them, but the solution occurred at the same time that they felt like they no longer were… They didn’t want… They didn’t want to stick around, because they felt like there was no solution, right?”

When asked if his bandmates tried to step in, Tim replied:

“…That’s not to their discredit. I mean, I I tend to… the more I’m struggling, the more I isolate, right?”

He further explained:

“I do have to defend them… So part of why I bottled up and isolated more is that I did get this sense of ultimatum that was like, ‘Hey, dude, whatever you’re going through, like, I can’t see that that stuff surface again, because if that, if that comes out again, I’m gone.” …One of the guys had said that. And so there was like, Okay, well now, like, I feel like I gotta hide my struggle, right?”

Discussing how his behavior impacted the band while on tour, Tim acknowledged:

“Yeah. I mean.. verbal arguments and stuff. Or, you know, you’d be like, hey, where did they go? Where did Tim… Me and my ex would go, [leaving his bandmates] [we would] just be gone for the last two hours, like we’re waiting for him…

And it just was, that whole, I’m just scratching my head and being like, how can I resolve conflict? And there was, there was no way to possibly resolve [it.] I’m always looking for a way to resolve conflict. It’s within my nature. Maybe it’s the codependent thing, like you’re talking about. So I just like all I care about is resolving it.”

Tim admitted that his tendency to hold onto unhealthy relationships was rooted in his unresolved feelings about losing access to his adopted children after his 2013 arrest. Speaking emotionally about this, he shared:

“I think for people that are like ‘Ah man, this dude’s had every opportunity.’ I think that that’s a criticism that’s warranted. Because it’s like, man, I’ve had plenty of opportunities to take a step back and heal from that, but I never wanted to talk about it. Because I felt like, to some degree, there was this belief that if I try to say something… When you talk about somebody losing their kids, it’s natural to feel sympathy towards them, right?

And if I’m talking about something where [people will] feel like, ‘Oh, he’s trying to gain sympathy for how he feels’, or what he went through, then I know, for me, because I’m a public figure this, that’s a bad look, right? It’s like, oh, ‘that dude’s a narcissist’, or he’s trying to do whatever. So, I just I didn’t talk about it. I didn’t talk about it.

You know, 12 years ago is when I was arrested and in the last 12 years, I maybe talked, just acknowledged, that loss, like once or twice, very, very briefly. And avoiding that to me was a real problem. So I just can’t do anything but come out and say man, that’s the route that makes sense.

But there’s something freeing in finally acknowledging that thing I didn’t want to talk about, or if I did talk about it once a year for a couple minutes, [there’s] something freeing about it. If it’s 12 years later and I gotta cry about it a 100 more times then that’s what I’ve gotta do.”

When asked about his children’s current ages, Tim responded:

“I’ve been asked out of respect for them to not talk about them publicly. But I can mention the feelings that I have for them in a broader sense. But their freedom and autonomy to remove themselves from the chaos that I’ve had in my life is something they deserve.”

Regarding the band’s most recent album, Through Storms Ahead, Tim noted that the lyrics might reflect his mental struggles, saying:

“I don’t really want to talk about the details of that… I do feel like my task right now is to be further down this healing path, and when I’m there, I think it’s somewhat inevitable that I will… for people that like As I Lay Dying already, I may not win over new fans or whatever, but for people that are like ‘I wonder if the next As I Lay Dying album is going to be good?’ or if whatever he does next is going to be good, of course it’s going to be good if I just focus on my health and become the person that can create that and have a stable surrounding and good community around me, and that’s what’s gonna give it strength.

But I mean the musical creation has never been the difficult part for me. And that’s like a weird thing right? Like you recall record label people or booking agents and they’re like oh, “Well is Tim good at his job?” and they’re like, ‘Of course he’s good at his job, but he’s potentially a mess in other areas of life.’ So it’s like dude, my job is the least of my worries.”

Reflecting on the void left by losing his children and its influence on his relationships, Tim stated:

“There’s clearly been something that’s been unaddressed for the last twelve years of my life, or just scratch the surface of it… If you have something traumatic happen and it creates a void in your heart and you feel like you shouldn’t talk about it, you’re not allowed to talk about it, or nobody wants to give you sympathy, or if you did get sympathy for it… you’d be called a narcissist. I had to put all that aside and just say, ‘I don’t care what people say.’

“I have to just address this, this is a huge void in my life. And if I don’t heal from it… I don’t want pity. I don’t want sympathy. But I want to address it. I want to be able to talk about it and say ‘this is what’s held me back.’ It’s important.

Pity’s kinda gross. I don’t want pity right? When I pity somebody else, I’m like, ‘Oh man, I hope they don’t know that I pity them.’ That would make them feel worse. I don’t want that. I just want to be able to address it, to say ‘this exists’, Like I can’t pretend it doesn’t exist. Like that’s it. It’s pretty simple.”

On his approach to social media, Tim remarked:

“I post because of the necessity of just existing in this world. But, like, I’ve been very much off of social media because this anxiety that it gives me. I think part of me just has to get past that and just be like, you know whatever the criticism may be, I think there’s conversations that can be had, even if there’s the negative comments, right?

There’s very important conversations around incarceration, around healing, around rehabilitation, like I just need to get out there and start having those conversations.”

---

Do you love independent bands, or are you in one? The Mosh Network is not just a rock/metal news website, but it doubles as an independent band directory, designed so that visitors can browse independent bands by not just subgenre, but location as well. It’s perfect to keep your finger on the pulse of your area’s hottest and newest bands or if you’re in a band, it’s a great way to find bands to network with! Click the banner below and start discovering bands all over the world, now!